Senior Year: When Reality and Expectations Collide
by Barbara Sikes

The first indications that things were going to be different actually happened last fall. While my friends' teens were interviewing at colleges, filling out applications, and procuring financial aid, my son David and I were interviewing at Mass Rehab, applying for SSI, and establishing a Supplemental Needs Trust. When David and I participated in the Aspirations program at UMass-Lowell, I was hearing from parents of 28-year-olds how their adult children with Asperger's Syndrome were just now finishing community college, just now getting their driver's license, and all still were living at home. It was becoming increasingly clear that my expectations for David's future needed revising.

Fortunately, this past summer David was able to participate in YouthCare's Transitions program for teens. Among other things, he had a supervised internship three days each week, and went with the group on a number of college tours. His internship gave him a feeling of pride and accomplishment that he never had experienced before, and suddenly his future didn't look so bleak. One of the colleges he visited really impressed him, and he began to think about living away from home. Maybe my expectations weren't so far off base after all!

Then, senior year starts: a new school, a great transitions program, another internship, more college visits, SATs. However, David takes no initiative in the college search process. I find out the dates for the SAT and make him sign up. I search the CollegeBoard website for colleges that match his interest. I find out the dates of open houses. I sign him up on college websites for information packets. I keep track of application and financial aid deadlines. And I realize that I'm more invested in this process than he is. And if he can't take ownership for the application process, how will he manage all that's involved in actually attending college? Looks like it's time for another reality check.

I remember the story of the boy who went away to college, but stopped attending his classes altogether and his parents didn't know. I remember the story of the girl who started out taking four classes, but only passed two. The next semester she took three classes, but only passed two. Turns out two classes were the most she could handle at a time. I don’t want these things to happen to David because for him, being successful is the key to increasing his confidence. Any misstep that results in failure could be disastrous; he may never try that same situation (in this case, going to college) again. What, then, is a realistic expectation for David?

Although I would love for David to experience college like his peers, I'm afraid sending him off to manage on his own at this point in time is a recipe for failure. So we are planning to take things more slowly. Next year, he probably will pursue a one-year certificate program in Pharmacy Technology while living at home, taking a commuter bus to school, learning to manage his time and his studies, and beginning to experience a bit of independence. If he successfully completes this program, he then would have a marketable job skill regardless of what happens next. The next step might be enrolling in a local four-year college while still living at home, taking maybe three classes instead of the usual five, and then working up to a full course load. Eventually, the plan would be for him to live away from home and enroll in a Pharmacy program, hopefully leading to a career as a pharmacist.

Maybe I don't have to give up my expectations after all. Maybe I just need to modify the timetable in my mind to match our reality.

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